In late 2001 (30yo) after being referred to a geneticist by my GP for our strong family history of BC, I found out I was BRCA1 positive, as is

After receiving my appointment reminder in March 2007 for my mammogram, stuck it on the fridge and there it stayed while I was “busy” with life! Along came September and I made the appointment for the “routine” check. Before I got dressed they asked me to have another one as the radiologist wanted to get a better picture of one side. Even that didn’t alarm me. I was the epitome of flippant. As usual I got in the car with my films and peeked at the report. “All Clear!” Well, of course they were, they always were!

Off I toddle to my BS four days later for my follow up appointment, where he checks the films and does a physical exam. This particular day DH was off and asked if I wanted him to come with me. We decided that it was just “another” appointment and he could stay home and start getting dinner ready to save time!……
“Films are all clear Sam, jump on the table and lets check them”. While I’m undressing we’re discussing Britney Spears’ latest meltdown and whether she should keep her kids or not? I put my left arm above my head and in some strange twist of events he places his fingers directly onto a spot that felt bruised.
“Oooh, whats that?” I said.
“Hmmm, might just check that closer” as he leant over and switched on the ultrasound. There was something there. He did 2 needle biopsies on the spot and as I was getting dressed asked him if I should be worried?
“There’s a strong possibility that we’re looking at a cancer”. He said, I almost laughed…until I saw how serious his face was. Internally I went numb, externally I went into joke mode, “well that sucks!”..it was all that I could come up with! I couldn’t think of anything……I left and don’t remember anything from his office til I got into my car. I rang my Mum hysterical, I couldn’t get it out quick enough. “they think I have cancer Mum”. I cried all the way home until I pulled myself together before walking inside. As I was coming up the stairs, DH asks me how I went…..silence……he could see I’d been crying. I told him that I was waiting on a phone call the next day to find out if I had cancer or not! He thought I was joking.
I wasn’t.

That night was surreal, we ate dinner, in silence, we watched tv, in silence, we went to bed and just held each other, in silence.

The next day my sister came over to keep me “occupied” until the Dr rang. He was right on time. 1pm the phone rang, I remember someone telling me to put it on speaker so if it wasn’t good news, someone was there to listen and take over. So I did, my sister and I sat together on the end of my bed listening for some good news, there wasn’t any. “Sorry to say Sam, it’s a cancerous tumour which is very aggressive and we need to remove it immediately and start treatments”. My sister grabbed my hand and squeezed it, the tears tried to come, but instead I went into robot mode, asking questions and getting Dr’s names and numbers that I had to ring. Next I rang DH and my Mum. They both arrived quickly and in awful states. I still hadn’t cried. My eldest daughter (16 at the time) was home too, she wanted to stay with me, I told her and we hugged. I told her everything as it happened, sometimes I think it’s scarier for them not too know. DH was devastated, he just kept saying, “I don’t want to lose you, I cant lose you” Everyone around me was falling apart, while I folded the towels on the couch and waited on more phone calls from various Doctors rooms. What was their problem?

I spent the rest of that week having blood tests, a bone scan, x-rays, ultrasounds and finally Lymph node mapping for my Lumpectomy and Sentinel Node Biopsy. All the results were coming back clear but I felt I was just a passenger in someone else’s body. It was a blur. I had my partial mastectomy and SNB, clear margins but node involvement!

Crap, I needed to go back and have an Axillary Clearance, so back to the hospital a week later and this time in for 4 days. I was an emotional mess this time, cried from morning til night (of course, not while any of my family were there!)
They took 13 nodes and I had one positive. The plan was (TAC x6) chemotherapy starting the week before Xmas….Merry bloody Xmas! Then once I’d recovered from that, a bi-lateral mastectomy and reconstruction. ****, is that all?

Hubby and I decided to go away for a week to Queensland, just to breathe a bit. It didn’t work, it all followed me, not to mention my intensely sore arm! But we still had a nice time. We felt a lot closer that we had for a very long time.

I had all the normal testing before chemo started, so by the time the day came around I felt I was totally prepared and it was going to be a piece of cake…I dressed nicely, make up perfect, hair immaculately done…..boy was I wrong. Let’s just say, I sucked at chemo! I decided after my hair started to fall out, that I was going to shave it first! So New Years Day and a few skulled glasses of chardy, off it came. I was turning into a monster, no hair, the kilo’s were starting to pile on. I hated myself and the damn disease. I wanted my old self and my old life back! Where was my “normality”?

With so much help from my Mum and my sister, our family got through it. Now it’s been 12 months since my last chemo. My body is starting to regain some sort of normality again, my hair is back, not to mention my eyebrows and lashes! It’s definitely not something that I’m “over”, but each stage of this sh*tty thing gets further and further behind me, so that can only be a good thing.

I had a bi-lateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction on the 15th October. I had tissue expanders put in and have beenhaving regular "fill-ups" since. I am due for my last one in May and then will be having the exchange to permanent silicone implants soon after that. It really feels never ending!

My eldest daughter has recently started counselling to be genetically tested for the BRCA genes. My thoughts are mixed, I have a much better understanding of how my own Mother felt after feeling like she had "passed on" this gene to my sister and me. Its a nightmare that seems to be ongoing.....

There are few things that are positive about having had cancer, one is I don’t take anything for granted anymore, I treasure every minute with my loving gorgeous family, but mostly its meeting all you wonderful women that are going through your own battles yet still have the time to all be there for each other....what could be better than that?

Samantha
Dream. Believe. Discover. Create. Inspire. Conquer.