The Hard Decision

I went to a psychologist, Bronwyn, she was amazing. I only needed one appointment for her to make me realise my inner strength. I was going to focus on my health and I was in fact not ready for another baby, after all my youngest was only 6 months. I was ready for the hardest decision I have ever had to make. A preventative double mastectomy at age 25. Some people may find my choice for this surgery radical and "why is she having a mastectomy, she does not have cancer". I understand some people's reaction. After all it is not the right choice for everyone. But it was certainly the right one for me. My family has faced breast cancer for nearly 150 years. We call it the Codlin Curse (my great great grandma). And I was ready to be free from this curse.

I wanted to be a healthy mother, free from the restraints of breast cancer. Did I have second thoughts about my decision?... nearly everyday, but have I ever regretted my decision?...never. Even though I hated my breasts for what they could do to me, I loved them for giving me the joy of breastfeeding my babies. I also was saddened by the thought that when I was to have another baby, I could be the only mother in the ward who had no nipples, no breasts to feed her new baby.

The surgery was booked for February 2009. I went in for my last high risk screening in November 2008. I was not ready for what they were about to tell me. "Krystal, we have found some changes that were not there before"... Thoughts flashed through my mind "have I left it too late, surely not I am only 25". The changes were indicative of DCIS (early breast cancer), they called it inconclusive calcification. I immediately went into research mode, jumped on the computer and searched "calcification".... early breast cancer popped up all over the screen.

The doctors recommended if you are serious about your preventative mastectomy move it to sooner rather than later, otherwise you will have to go through core biopsies to work out exactly what it is. The skin sparing mastectomy was moved to 22nd of November 2008. Was I ready?...yes. Was I scared?...yes. Was I alone?...no. I had my amazing family right next to me the whole way. My mum did not cope with the situation very well, after all I was her only daughter and I was about to lose my breasts, 10 years younger than she lost hers. My husband was my rock, my strength. He kept on reminding me what wonderful times were ahead of us and our two sons.

The day of the surgery came. I was surrounded by love, laughter and support. My mind was occupied by my mum and husband. It was the best, after all my mum knew exactly what I was about to go through. My mum's support and the nurture that only a mother can give, was the reason I felt so secure.

They were wheeling me into to theatre and I felt sorry not for myself, but for my Nan. She was watching her only granddaughter the 4th generation straight of women to lose their breasts. Was she to nurse me as she had her mother and daughter? Were my lymph nodes clear? Was it cancer?

I came out of surgery feeling very sore but relieved, the cells were getting ready to change, it was called hyperplasia. I have officially beaten it. I was the first woman in my family to not battle breast cancer, I felt strong, alive.... I felt like me again.